Sometimes I wish we would focus more on the driving truths of reality, and apply them to practical situations, rather than address practical situations from which we grab at various truths of reality. Second, the Bible is often proof-texted after-the-fact.
In other words, the principles are decided upon, and then Scriptures are sought out to substantiate the pre-determined principles.
Because of that, they need to give them the hard-hitting, black-and-white, practical guidelines that will address their questions and frustrations about dating.
And we notice when you’re not actually listening and just trying to make, you know, appropriate listening noises. Are you just looking for sex and not an actual relationship? Do you really just want a FWB (friends with benefits) arrangement?
(I do realize that this doesn’t apply to all men, and I’ve excluded several I know personally from this list.). And we’re viewing the dick pic we get sent on first acquaintance with an eye roll (or a chuckle, depending) before deleting and blocking that number. And most of you are still sitting up in your hospital bed tapping away at your phone, on social media, chatting with your friends.
That this generation of men just don’t measure up to a previous standard. Even as mothers, we’re used to managing the multitude of responsibilities that come our way, often single-handedly. Show that you put some effort into the evening as well. I will never, ever understand why men I don’t know actually expect me to volunteer if I’m going to sleep with them or not. I’m not going to perpetuate that particular double standard. It’s great to be called attractive, but I can’t recall when I was last so insulted at an attempt at a compliment! Say whatever it is you’re feeling, which I know is counter-intuitive to how men are socialized and to a dishonest dating culture. Speaking from the receiving end of that treatment, it is beyond painful. Maybe you’re the nice guy (and I don’t mean that as the insult people often take it for these days) that makes us glad we stayed in the dating game. Because in the end, we can all do with a little more honesty out there and just a little more consideration for each other.
This isn’t about changing my sexuality or even evaluating it. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when so few men have distinguished themselves with kindness. But I think that’s too simplistic, and I don’t know that any other generation set such a high standard (antiquated laws without gender equity demonstrate my point here). Maybe it’s that this generation of women (of course, I’m basing this on my own experience and I know that this doesn’t include all women) is less willing to put up with bullsh*t. We’re beginning to reclaim our body confidence and to embrace our authentic selves. Open doors, pay the tab, do all of those traditional things. And I know that almost no one does it anymore, but flowers or candy are still nice gestures. If you don’t know what mansplaining is, please educate yourself and don’t ever do it again. I will say that I don’t find that I have chemistry with just anyone. Making jokes about your height or weight may seem like a good way to ease the tension, but sometimes it just comes across as insecure and needy. Be flattering, show interest without condescension, and if you’re not interested, you can express that kindly. It would have been so much easier to hear that he was interested in someone else than to be treated like I don’t exist and that our time together meant less than nothing to him. Maybe you’re the one who reminds us why we really do like men. I keep looking at our dating culture and our society, and we’re all contributing to that society.
I just mean that I’ve taken a close look at my dating history, and I’ve come to the conclusion that men aren’t always very nice. That particular masculine scent or the way they carry themselves? We’ve learned how to build happy, independent lives. And it never hurts to avoid controversial topics on a first date such as politics and religion. There’s not a bigger turnoff on Earth than a man trying to educate us on our own opinion or, heaven forbid, attempt to educate us about our experience of being women, you know from the male-privilege point of view. And I find it a wee bit insulting that we’re skipping getting-to-know-each-other part for the getting-each-other-naked part. Foreplay includes that slow build-up of getting to know one another—taking those smaller steps along the way. Particularly since size doesn’t necessarily equate to knowing how to operate said equipment. And why ask to see us naked before you’ve actually seen us, you know, clothed? We all have our points of insecurity, but we all find confidence to be sexy. Have some consideration for the feelings of others and not just your own feelings of fear and avoidance of conflict. Maybe you’ll be the one to remind us that you have wonderful hearts and souls, and we’ll be happy to spend as much time in your company as we can.