I just cannot understand not knowing the difference between your own need for a friend, and his need to be who he is. Perhaps you cannot live with his OCD-based defensiveness, which may very well be an indication that he is not ready to change.
This inability to change may very well be something to accept.
OCD is something that can be managed with therapy and medication and unrelenting effort, but it is not easy to do and many failures usually occur before success is realized. Because it takes strength and patience to understand that you may love someone who cannot reciprocate as you wish he would, or could.
But, with the passing of time, you may have found him or her - and the condition - increasingly difficult to understand (to say the least). Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is very common and many a partner has found themselves in a very similar position to yours. I know that your needs are very likely to have come second to those of your partner. I'm going to cover the particular problems that you, as the partner of someone with OCD, may be experiencing and what to do about it.
During my years as a counsellor I've treated many people who were suffering from OCD.
Dating is usually a sensitive topic even for people who don’t necessarily struggle with mental health disorders.
With all the obsessions and compulsive behaviors specific to OCD, dating can sometimes be a challenge.