It can be harder than you think to find a counselor who really gets the trauma you have suffered as a partner of a porn or sexual addict.Learn what to look for, what questions to ask, and what to do when you keep hitting road blocks.Unfortunately, I am not a referral service and there is a helpless feeling that I can’t assist every person who comes to me.I hope this article will give partners the information they need to locate the right therapist for them.It is possible for your husband to love you, even though he is looking at pornography. This is a benefit when a man is fighting in a war and able to focus on the task at hand without worrying about his family back home.
The reasons for this are numerous and include the shame associated with this addiction for both the addict and the spouse, the sense of betrayal, and stereotypes linked to the addiction.
Unfortunately, in spite of studies showing that 70% of wives of sex addicts meet the criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), most sex addiction counselors are still working from the co-addict model.
The co-addict model says a person who is married to a sex addict is sick, out of control, addicted to their spouse, and implies she is partially to blame for his behavior, simply because she chose to marry a sex addict, even though the vast majority of the time she did not even know he was an addict.
Now, I could go on and on about my objections and issues with 12 step philosophies– that will be covered in the book and I also gave some thoughts in a previous post, but I will say that my experience with the women in the COSA meeting was very pleasant. Are those who do not believe in a higher power excluded from recovery? Hi Diane, Yes I am beginning to see this is also my future as well. I so much wanted to give him a chance, and hope for the bright side.
They were warm, open, friendly and even fun at times. When women get together they bond and share and connect because that’s just who we are and that’s what we do. But, I still have major objections to the implication that a spouse or partner of a sex addict needs to accept the tenants of the 12 steps. Starry’s husband really seems to be putting forth the effort. But I have been hoping for the bright side since I met him.